Well, most of you know how I felt about pacifiers previously to parenthood. Many of you know that I was very adamant about self-regulation not involving a "plug." Most of you also know that my daughter is frequently either sucking on a pacifier, or "bugsy" as she refers to it, or is asking for one. Let me elaborate on what happened here...
It all began with a little infant who couldn't regulate, well couldn't regulate easily that is. Any child that is in physical pain is going to have great difficulty calming themselves down, this was Maggie. Maggie's food allergy was diagnosed at 5 weeks. That entire time, and even for awhile afterward, she was in pain as her body fought against the proteins it couldn't digest. This meant a very sad, often crying, little baby girl. This also meant an often frazzled Mommy and Daddy. Definitely more so Mommy from what I remember. Magnolia would try to frantically suck anything put near her mouth, often times myself. I still remember that visit with Dr. Ally when she looked at me and said, "Melissa. Give her, the paci." Then she returned to us with two Soothie pacifiers, and that's where it all began.
So now here we are today. My daughter very frequently has a pacifier in her mouth. Some people assume that parents just offer a pacifier up to their child all the time. Magnolia will start out the day without her bugsy, and then something may happen. She may trip, she may drop something, she may get mad when she wants something or does something that is not okay. What happens next is that she INSTANTLY cries for her bugsy. I often ask her if she might be able to use her blanket, Peppa, Doudou, a cuddle, some love-love. She says "sure, I'll take all those things, WITH my bugsy." Obviously she doesn't say that exactly, but her actions and the words she does say make this quite obvious.
So where does this leave me now. Well, with a child who DEMANDS her bugsy frequently, throws them all over the house as she gets interested in something new, and who freaks out if we go somewhere and she realizes we don't have one.
So what do I want: I want Magnolia to be able to self-regulate without her pacifier now!!! I want to go somewhere and not be terrified that we don't have one. I want to do this all in a very respectful way to my daughter (I'm the one who gave her the pacifier in the first place remember).
So for all you "coaching minded professionals," "What have I tried?" Well, I've tried only letting her have it when she sleeps, or if she REALLY, REALLY needs it, letting her have it in her chair in her room, with another comfort item (I'm trying to re-direct to something else here), and at times I've just told her it isn't there right now, like if we take Boston for a walk, or run an errand. This generally results in a very dis-regulated child, for very long periods of time, and sends me back into tragic memories of her infancy with her screaming and me being unable to calm her.
So all of you out there, I'm asking for some input. I know Dr. Ally will have some input tomorrow at her 18 month appointment, but I know too many experts out there to not ask for help. I am way too emotionally attached to this issue to think rationally about anything, like I am occasionally able to do with other people's children!
And who said mother's who are child development specialists know it all?
Oh, just one more special note. She does just fine all day at school without her bugsy!
This is only the case at school though.
